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Yet, while lamenting that they are not closer, he simply refuses to engage with her on these subjects. painted_lady He is into science so a consultation with a trained professional may be exactly what he needs. Or other strategy games (Small World, Ivanhoe, Nuns on the Run) might be a great way for all of you to connect. The LW can do more to assist, and certainly needs to break away from the us versus him mentality (its easier said that done) but at the same time she cant force 2 other people to enjoy their time together. I think my athletic and musical skills would have benefited a lot if I could have had practice early. I mean ever. Having them spend time alone will foster at least appreciation for each others interests and give them bonding time alone to build the relationship and find common ground now that your daughter is growing up. Placing a child in the position of having to be loyal to one parent at the expense of the other parent is heinous and very damaging to the child. Do I look back on those times with my dad now and appreciate the time we spend together? My mom and I enjoyed science fiction and fantasy books, while my dad liked hunting and only has read maybe 10 books in his life. July 2, 2013, 12:33 pm. Youve talked about this over and over and your husband still interrupts your conversations because they annoy him? So I think there is a bit of a content based bias at work in some of this stuff you were already doing worthwhile things, so his dismissal of them was, in addition to being mean/cruel, just plain wrong (as in incorrect/inaccurate.) It can be tough sometimes, and obviously a lot funner to be the friend than the parent. Because your daughter may eventually outgrow her fangirl phase, but if you do your job right, shell never outgrow being a strong, confident, interesting and interested person. Overly forgiving and intensely devoted partners do not help their partners by taking their patterns personally and destroying their own confidence when they cannot control the outcome. What kind of history and science is your husband into? is the crux of your real issues here. EVER. Especially a board game like Cranium where everyone can shine in what theyre good at, and it can be good to pair up with someone youre different from. Show interest in his interests. Everyone can have a relaxing hobby. Do you think he liked listening to my fangirlish squees? July 2, 2013, 4:32 pm. But hes so cute when hes excited about something. Then she tells me she doesnt wear that anymore and how come I didnt notice? But sometimes, this relationship can be strained. Then wed throw it back and go back to just hanging out. Agreed. He is your best friend, your teammate and your partner. I agree with everything Wendy said, and your daughter will certainly benefit from spending quality time with him, even if they arent doing things that she necessarily enjoys. I do understand how easily this Mom couldve gotten caught up in her ways of teaming up with the kid. Huge!! Did I always do things he would agree with necessarily? I think she should have given more advice for the LW about dealing with the husband and his responses to the daughter. Liquid Luck Your confidence in yourself as a reasonable and intelligent human being may have rapidly diminished. Why is my husband driving my daughter away?. About Us . But I agree with everything else you said. If you are involved with a crazy-making partner, dont think youre alone. Forget it. (Okay, okay, I am projecting here, but again, I had way too many friends who were all way to into Buffy back in the day. She wasnt responding to the father though. He may be uncomfortable talking about his feelings or sharing personal stories. My junior daughter does & my husband complains all the time that she has no need for a cellphone except when she is driving. In my case, Im sure there would have been something else to criticize if I was a different kid. Is there crap out there? FOR the past four months, my friend has been chasing a guy at college. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Do not let that behavior continue. Making your kids do shit they dont necessarily like a lot is just life. To me, those things just come along with being part of a family. July 2, 2013, 11:46 am. I was able to read teen magazines but they made sure it was balanced. The LW should do some serious work in building the bond, and working on her marriage, but I would make sure that the dad is putting in just as much effort. From one mom to another. 1. Mommy and daddy present a united front. For older adults, taking away their driving privileges can be traumatic and can even cause depression. He went to jail for beating up his new wife and hurting her little boy. Even if they like different kinds of books (fantasy vs. history, for example), if they both like to read, Dad can take her to Barnes & Noble and buy her a novel and a cup of coffee. temperance 6napkinburger My parents still make fun of me for a movie I wanted to watch when I was 8 because it was so awful. A talk with your husband about encouraging ALL of her interests (NOT belittling them) and being her own person is crucial at this age. I agree with what Wendy said, but I also think the dad needs to show interests in her interests. I was all set to like this until you said shes only TWELVEshell eventually grow out of the fangirldom. Why is it not ok for adults to like these shows?? Um, Im in my twenties and all my friends like these things. Then ice cream after. Encourage her to have fun with him. I think the dad most definitely needs to be happy with the daughter he has, and not spend so much energy trying to shame her into being the daughter he wants, So he should act like an adult and not take his frustration out on his daughter by telling her that her interests annoy him. Someone gets one out and I want to vomit. . July 2, 2013, 3:39 pm, A parent should NEVER make fun of their child.. I am a huge fan of Pandemic its a co-op game, so you play against the disease and work as a team. I thought Wendys first sentence was actually pretty snotty which surprised the heck out of me. Tom Pettys Southern Anthem was the first CD I ever owned. lets_be_honest These dreams can also give you advice about what you need to do to steer your life in the direction you would like it to go. He came home four hours later. July 2, 2013, 11:13 am. It may take years and years before the pay-off is apparent. So I cant agree that it is never ok. Theres a true difference between good natured humor and cruelty (even if some people claim it is the the former when it is really the latter) and kids need to be exposed to the former. Crazy-makers often give up the love they most desperately need when they feel any sense of an obligatory payback. lets_be_honest But no amount of time spent is going to make an experience with someone who doesnt really respect you as you are more enjoyable. 2. I wanted to read 800 crappy Star Wars novels? TV Review: Hitler diaries show fake news didn't begin with the internet, Notorious prisoner Charles Bronson to face public parole hearing, Big Issue seller numbers up due to cost-of-living pressures, says founder, Watch for the April 5 investment tax change, Preparing for a future sale of your business, Tom Allen is Completely committed to comedy and 'Auntie Glo', Weekend Q&A: ran Clarke from NI Opera's Nobody/Somebody, Mary Kelly: Unionists' tendency to turn a gift horse into a tin of dogmeat is legendary - and their Westminster chums are getting fed-up with it. But since we dont know which type of person the girls father is (bullying and hurtful, or rude/stubborn yet ultimately well-meaning) I think its helpful that people who had experience in this issue can comment. Others see him as a bully and a hole. Shouldnt some autonomy be introduced at an appropriate age? Another possibility is that her husband doesnt understand how to connect with his daughter on an emotional level. The way hes acting could be a response to feeling alienated, Im sure, but right now it seems hes trying to run a bit of tyrannical household (with the assignments, & the verboten music and television). I was thinking this too. My dad had a This Old House sweatshirt even! At that age when your self-esteem is barely functioning (middle school was a bitch for me and most women I know, even if you were cool and confident) I cant imagine how hurtful it must be for her to be mocked. The first theory is that her husband is jealous of the close relationship she has with their daughter. July 2, 2013, 4:37 pm. I do that with everyone I know who likes baseball, which probably makes me annoying, but its what I do. July 2, 2013, 1:12 pm, It wasnt deliberate. Intelligent people can like these things but does that mean that a father should promote them? Seriously, the concept of the Q is what puts me on the agnostic end of atheism. In return, LW could offer to be extra supportive of the daughter participating in activities with her father that hes interested in as well. Though of course, there are ways to encourage a daughter to experience some parts of being a teenage girl which also are good (like trying to get them to go to at least one sporting event in high school if they have someone to go with, trying to get them to ask one person out on a date, to invite one person over to hang out, etc.) He and I read together every night when i was little, and I remember reading beauty and the beast with him, which I cant imagine was his first choice. I didnt say she was liking or disliking things to get close to her daughter. You might have started asking yourself, Is this person taunting me on purpose? And in the end its the time together, more than what youre actually doing, that makes the difference. Although this trip, for the first time ever, I strung the fish after I caught it. After all, the child is innocent and helpless, while the spouse is an adult who can take care of themselves. I dont know that I really have a favorite anymore I just like that theyre together again. Absolutely Dad! PostedOctober 22, 2014 They have their own part to play in the healing of the relationship. I think some of Wendys advice is accurate, you need to encourage the relationship between father and daughter. June 30, 2022 by Team The Relationship Notes. Sad. Instead, try to understand why they are pulling away and what you can do to support them during this time. But those are not her interests right now, although she does participate when he asks her to. Its a really nice time to shoot the shit and get your head clear fishing can be very enjoyable, plus you have a free meal at the end of it! Manage Settings lets_be_honest LW, what kind of music does your husband like? So, I have actually always been closer with my dad to be honest. lets_be_honest I think visiting an air and space museum if shes interested in Star Trek is a great idea. But when I turned my attention towards nurturing my marriage, even though the kids got less attention, they started feeling more secure.