If we could afford flying we would have. Could also be a mix of the two, or something nobody has thought of yet. When my spouse was almost sent overseas on a long term work trip, I actually offered to go with him (and pay my own way) not because I was worried hed get up to something without being supervised, but because I travel frequently for work and he almost never does, so it seemed like the easiest way for me to just take care of stuff so that he wasnt stranded in a foreign airport without knowing what to do or how to make a phone call. I spent a lot of the day just wandering around the strip). He doesnt have to be consciously choosing thesetheyre already out there. PS: My third period class, mostly high-functioning autism cases, is split. is a really good sign! I think this is my problem with some of the suggestions that OP should bring her husband on the trip. When you try to say you wont let me do something, that tells me that you think Im too incompetent to make an appropriate choice on my own, which is really disrespectful. Vegas is a perfectly lovely city where people raise families and everything!! If someone says they dont want to get married, theres probably a good reason in there. Businesses plan conferences in Las Vegas because the rooms are dirt cheap, not because theyre planning some sort of raucous party. Why would you visit Vegas when you live in NOLA, unless it was for work. For example, Fiance didnt want me to take night classes for my certification because the parking lot had a lot of trees and shrubs where predators could hideand there were a lot of guys taking these classes. People in my family are prone to anxiety disorders manifesting themselves in this way (including me, yay! What if he dies? my brain had done, we laughed), but absolutely had that reaction. Marriage counselling is categorically not recommended if there is abuse. Clearly it was a biased survey either way, but Im just very curious :P. I can totally see it being true assuming his friends were not also her friends and therefore only ever got his side of the story on anything, so of course they believe him and think shes in the wrong. This is NOT putting a judgement on those activities, but all of them can and do carry a pretty significant risk load (money spent, possible diseases, lost time, etc) and thats why in general, society rates them as vices. I suspect LWs husband doesnt *really* believe she will be kidnapped in Las Vegas. Make sure that appointment is booked. My wife has these same kinds of fears during my daily commute, let alone when I travel for business. : Dont bring your kids to The Thunder Down Under that show doesnt have anything to do with the weather) but its pretty safe, relatively speaking. Youre the breadwinner? At night, the most fun people have is maybe a different ink at a nearby bar otherwise theyre too tired and ttying to get their shit together for the next day ir for tomorrows flight. But thats true everywhere, and you can easily avoid said trouble by, you know, not doing something stupid. I hate the idea that the LWs husband feels like he has some kind of power to tell his spouse that she cant go on this trip. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationcomo llegar a los alpes franceses husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. Scheduled calls keep him more relaxed. Of course, Im only going by what was in the letter. Youre in a room all day, you still have to get up and WORK the next morning I go to one every year, and my butt is in bed at 10pm. Or that he heard more agreement than was really being given by his friends? Somehow everyone turns into a sexual predator after dark. Because a healthy, loving partner does not do this. For example, my wife likes to go for walks, and sometimes takes a scenic route while enjoying herself outside (She loves hiking and exploring in nature). source: awkward . Remember the man who wanted his female co-worker to dress like a Little House on the Prairie extra? Meaning they side with the wife on this one. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation You know you can go to Vegas and have fun and not be kidnapped or drugged. Ack. (like when one of his good friends turned 50). Is something going on in your relationship that he feels like youre growing more emotionally apart, and physical distance will make him feel more alone? Frankly, there are very few cities that can handle massive conferences and Vegas may be the only option for the OPs company. He is ambitious & caring.His insecurities have gotten the best of him in this situation. She then decided to keep the baby's gender a secret until it was born. For me, this is a differentiation between asking for permission from the perspective of consideration for the other person (kids are the #1 reason here), and asking for permission because the nature of your relationship dictates that one person gets to decide what the other person can/should be doing. i went away for a few days for work, but had some cool stories to come home with. This gives me hope that one day Ill have that too! People cheat in the tiniest of towns. Im familiar with the kind of irrational worst case scenario anxiety youre talking about. I have the same problem and have since I was a child. You definitely need counseling, and he may need his own as well. So thank you for the comments. For example, I dont gamble and drugs, etc have no appeal. And at the end of the day, it doesnt matter because every time, its about something that doesnt really have a right or wrong answer. And in small towns all over America people are being shot in churches, schools, shopping malls etc. Not necessarily. Really? I have no idea. Couples counseling may be useful but controlling spouses are sometimes effective manipulators and in those situations couples counseling is a terrible idea. As a woman and someone invested in ending the b- s- that is sexism (some may call me a feminist!) The kidnapping/roofie argument is the same nonsense my parents used to justify not letting my sister and me go to slumber parties but my brothers could go on trips to Europe. Though those are also the traditional bogeymen for women out on their own, as evidenced by the many people talking about their mothers fears. This makes me MAD. I think its time to tell him something like: I need you to respect my ability to make my own decisions. But if not, why would you stay with this. Husband is not fair when it comes to my family (his inlaws). Are you ok with dealing with his overexagerations, accusations, and paranoia whenever you go for a trip by yourself or is it starting to get on your nerves. He was already in counselling and they focused on this issue for a while. I also love Vegas. I think that marriage counseling is the right way to go. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation That can do a number to your head if you already had basic anxiety about the travel. From my experience with family members with these issues, I needed to learn how to help create a healing environment at home. So were you on the east or west side of the Hellmouth? There are counties where selling alcohol is illegal. OP, we can all surmise the reasons for his behavior as much as we want to, but this sounds like something you and your husband should work out together in counseling (or separately in counseling, if that appeals more to him.) Unless OP has a history of partying hard and getting black-out drunk (which doesnt seem to be the case), I think theres little to worry about here. And AP, as your comment captures, and what Alisons advice does, is to put the LW in a position to find out which one it is. Last but not least, take some time for yourself. Besides, the OP is going to spend most of her time in a conference room that looks like every other conference room in the western world, anyway. If your husband doesnt trust you to handle three days sitting in conference rooms in Las Vegas with your coworkers, thats a fundamental relationship problem. Ment would not. Rationalist who is deeply against living by social norms is a great big flashing warning sign that says DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THIS PERSON. Its just unacceptable. But this doesnt seem to be important to the OP she recognizes that she should be allowed to go on business trips. One doesnt just spontaneously undo decades of enculturation, on either side, and women are taught that we are *supposed* to accept emotional baggage AND that it is OUR JOB to do the emotional labor of fixing other peoples negative emotional states. You can get really great meals there. Then the next day drive another five hours and spend the night in a hotel then the final day if we drove five hours we would be at the beach. Where I was originally from in Ohio, there are schools that dont have proms because dancing is considered a vice, and thus shouldnt be promoted by a school. Long-term meds may not be right, and often take time to work out, but theres several near-instant calming agents available and they could be the best place to start if the Vegas trip is coming up soon. Hes gotten better over time, but he still guilt-trips me before I leave and makes sad noises about how he misses me so much and we never spend enough time together. I dont have anything else to add to what everyone else has said except that when youre there, I HIGHLY recommend going to Gordon Ramsays BURGR at the Planet Hollywood Hotel. The thing is, if you go there repeatedly the sheen really does wear off. And actually, trips apart are GOOD for our relationship, we miss each other like crazy after the first two days and it strengthens our bonds (and snuggles) when were reunited. I came to say the same thing. I stayed once at Palms Place, the long-term stay part of the Palms that is set up like studio apartments with full kitchens. Your argument is based on extremes. If its my wife is going to a business conference.. The letter writers last trip was in February and the manager from the other thread wrote to Alison in the beginning of March, which would be right after she got back from this Vegas trip and told her boss she would no longer travel. (I do apologize that my intention to be helpful wasnt completely clear). Finally, I can think of far better places to hold business meetings like Atlanta you have to change planes here anyway, so why not?? I think that it is much more scary to be hurt by someone you know, so people are more likely to believe in the bogeyman dark alley scenario. My ex boyfriend is telling lies about me to my family, especially to my Personally, I think its far more likely that hes just using others or my friends agree as a generic point in his favor without actually having asked them. This isnt a man with an anxiety problem. Each year my entire family goes to the beach at the end gets a beach house where we stay for a week. You are not required to live it with someone who makes you miserable and is not willing to work on the problem. Sorry about the side note. He needs to understand that what happens in their marriage is between them (and their counselors) and not random strangers, acquaintances and friends. If you can get that sort of perspective before the trip, that would be great. HE is the one who needs counseling; going together would send the message that its an us issue. We dont know enough about how the spouse acts in other scenarios to draw larger conclusions. It doesnt take the anxiety away, but it seemed to dull some of the crazier bits. Seriously. Are we sure that survey actually happened? Honestly the greatest threat to LWs safety is probably lung cancer from second-hand smoke in the casinos. He doesnt get to say you cant do anything. Illegal prostitution happens in Vegas, to be sureas it happens pretty much everywhere in the country. Especially when those demands result in diminished opportunities. Since frankly the marriage is not healthy do not risk your career, which you need, for him. Your husband is being unreasonable. What level of dealing with him can you actually do during these three days AND be able to focus on your work stuff? Unless, its a SERIOUSLY homogeneous group, whichis possibleunfortunately. My own husband went to Vegas for a conference a few years ago. Vegas is one of the cheapest options with the best meeting facilities. But if theyre just attending as a participant, they wont be working 20 hours a day. Can you believe it? Its so much more tame than it once was. It seems infinitely more likely that what they actually said was yeah man, that sucks, I dont know why she wouldve broken up with you as sympathy and he took it that way, but either way, you dont date by committee! Its not some ridiculous naked sex drug party.. Its hard enough to be a single lady without constantly watching single ladies being attacked!! Go on your trip! Certainly the OP needs to be careful with couselors. The threading makes it a little unclear, but thats not the part under discussion: Top-Level Comment: If a person has surrounded themselves with a bunch of people that thinks its normal for one spouse to tell the other what they are/arent allowed to do, thats a beyond red flag., Response: Or its an indication that they live in a different culture than the one you know.. Both of us are fairly standard issue normative American. These are normal things that a lot of people encounter at some point; if your relationship as it currently stands doesnt have room to address them, its past time to get some help to straighten it out. Ive had several week-long business trips in CA the last few years and its a non-event. Meanwhile, there are fewer property crimes in my very small town than there are in hers, and we havent had a murder since the 1990s. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation Hecalledme, saying thatI acted childish becauseI pushed him totakeme, and Ieavesdropped. Marriage counseling is good for me so I know how to commute to her and not roll my eyes and whisper not this again when she does go off the on a tangent. If youre seeing these things and thinking anything like I cant say that, he would freak outmarriage counseling, please. I just caught that you were the main provider in your home. I was just coming here to ask if she asked him to Turn his key!. She is bottle fed and was at that time, too, so if your LO is EBF, I'd say add more time. Also conferences in Vegas are soul-crushingly awful and boring. That hes asked several people for their opinion, and said opinions are I wouldnt let my spouse go to Vegas without me! I think this is a valid suspicion. Seriously, I think most of my husbands friends have been to Las Vegas at some point for their jobs, no matter what their jobs are. So maybe the husband should only attempt to veto conferences in the Midwest? Im reminded of when my flying phobia was at its worst, and I was going to take a flight on Friday the 13th. Indifference. They have to want to change. I dont think that would help the situation, however. Asking for baseline respect should not be a fraught conversation. I agree with you on the personal deal-breakers, but thats not the discourse thats going on here at the moment. Dont! I would imagine thats what happens in Vegas for a great many solo work travelers. Its not just irrational, it doesnt even make sense from the control freak point of view. At this rate, Im going to be too afraid to leave the house until spring, and thats not acceptable. The smoke. Los Vegas is known more for shows and EDM festivals than anything else these days. I came here to recommend asking Captain Awkward as well! If you think Im the type of person who would cheat well Im not interested in spending time with you because you seem to have a pretty horrible opinion of me. LW, my husband would be honestly fine with me going to Vegas. In most normal partnerships where you have shared responsibilities its not so much asking permission, as its checking in to make sure spouse doesnt need you For anything at that time. But you dont get to be irrational all over someone else without consequence. She thought surely I would be kidnapped in the dark parking lot. Like fposte said the husband would only mention his friends opinions if it supported his own. Not everything is family friendly (I.E. I just saw the news about the mass shooting in Vegas. I would have not reacted well to this if I were the best friend. But honestly? Your husband seems to think he has a say in whether he lets you go. I think this is a little parochial, in fact. We have friend who live in a neighborhood of Paris which Fox news publicized as a no go zone because of all those Muslims and Sharia Law and such. The biggest crime Ive personally witnessed is the outrageous price of food. Youre adults. When she would call back, he would accuse her of having left the office to sleep with someone else. I was /thisclose/ to emigrating to another continent at one point, tbh. I trust my wife but I dont trust a lot of strange people. It can be challenging to know when to kind of cater to her anxiety (she is able to relax much better if I check the door locks before bed than if she does it, so I do it but never more than once a night), and when to decide that her worry about a particular issue has passed the point where I can be supportive and is just on her to manage (I refuse to provide reassurance for a 7th round of what if this offhand comment I made at work was overheard by the wrong person and totally misinterpreted and I get fired and then I cant find another job and then we lose the house?).
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