When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. He nodded. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. Then came Dads ships turn. 30+ Best Military Jokes And Puns | Kidadl The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. But I had the last laugh. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. The Blonde Fighter Pilot All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. Aviation jokes | Key Aero Do you have change for a dollar? The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? The tenant shook her head. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. Long Haul February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. [Answered]. 64. How old are you? a tenant asked. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. Why Do We Celebrate It? The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! Caller: Is Sgt. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. There are many branches of the military. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? It was PRIVATE. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. What do hungry Marines eat? Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. 39. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. Funny Aviation Jokes - BEST FUNNY JOKES Marine: Wait, stop. He had the same plane as yours. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. 16. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. Read more. Military Jokes Military Humor - StrategyPage MARCH! In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. The Army will post guards around the building. Co-Pilot: What?!. These 105+ Airplane Jokes Will Surely Soar At Your Next Party - Scary Mommy Our Teams Favorite Pilot Jokes - AOPA As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. Why were the Marines invented? Anecdotes 1. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. The reason? My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. AVIATION HUMOR - Sierra Hotel Aeronautics After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! How tough? Attention! What did you do? No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. Large mahogany desk.. 15. [Answered]. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. We have one or two in here! Funny Military Jokes | Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps - VetFriends How tough? Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. military aviation humour - Pilotfriend The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor - Pinterest We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Ive been sandblasted.. 8. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? This happened several times times throughout the flight. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . Aviation Jokes: A military cargo pla What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. 36. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. The Marine said Are you crazy? [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. What does ARMY mean to you? The two lads objected strongly. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. Because the Army needed heroes too. Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? Jokes Archives - Aviation Humor Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? You the eighth, the old Marine answered. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. 37. On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. Return to Humor Index. Divert your course NOW! P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Read more. Me: No, I dont. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. Military 3. In-dough-structible And )second 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? Only one. Killed bin Laden. The other replied, Not me! It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. Germany's military 'Zeitenwende' is off to a slow start Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? 66. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. Aircraft Engineers 1. It was sheer brilliance. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. Yes, she said. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Caller: OK. Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. 13:30 comes and goes. If it doesnt move, pick it up. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Rodrigues there? My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. Chicago. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. DeFrigNo! Because hes a captain in the Air Force. A friend paid my mother a visit. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. Did it work? The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. This is really good, he said. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. But yours is.. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. ! Again, no reply. 2. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. with someone braver than you.'. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. Altitude is life insurance. Countdown to Iditarod 2023: Tributes, jokes and celebrations as mushers 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine.